Errand Queen vs Chocolate Channel Surfer

I specifically remember a phone call I had with my sister about 10 years ago, when she asked me what I was “on”. At the time I laughed & thought “I’m not ‘on’ anything…I’m just this awesome!” Let me explain. I was in the middle of running errands when my phone rang. Now, despite the fact that I had wet nails from a mani/pedi & was also holding my purse, keys, dry cleaning & a video tape I had to return (yes, remember…10 years ago), I felt the need to answer my phone. It was no bother, I was just on my way to the bank, the grocery store & then I was going to go home & clean the bathroom & do all my laundry before I went shopping for a friend’s birthday & stopped by another friend’s BBQ. After all,  I had to be home by 7pm to host cocktails before going to dinner, though. When I gave all of this information as my run-on-sentence answer to my sister’s casual question “Whatchya doin?”, she had good reason to inquire about the possibility of chemical interference. I mean, I can’t imagine getting all this stuff done in one day, but I sure did. I can actually think of lots of days like this. Can’t you? You know, it’s that day that you get absolutely everything on your list done because you are well rested, responsible, together & just generally the most awesome person in the entire world. What’s the harm in taking credit where credit’s due?

I’ll tell you.

If you think you are the most awesome, together person in the world when you are having a really productive day, what do you think of yourself when you don’t? My guess is that you think much the same of yourself as I & most other women I’ve spoken with. “I just can’t get it together” “What’s wrong with me?” “I have no energy” “I am so scattered; I don’t think I’ve gotten ONE thing on my list done!” Sound familiar?

Today, I’d like to ask you to take a moment and think about who you are as a woman…what you’re made of & what you’re ruled by. Hormones greatly affect our sex drive, appetite, alertness, sleep patterns, brain function and so much more! If you don’t believe me, take it from a real expert, Gabrielle Lichterman of www.MyHormonesMadeMeDoIt.com. The first time I saw this site, I swear, it was like being born again! Reading through what goes on inside each and every one of us women throughout our regular cycle is not just interesting; it’s comforting & even downright hysterical.

So, the next time you are laying on the couch watching reality television & you can’t manage to get up off the couch to get a 3^rd helping of toast with honey (ok, maybe it was oreos and ice cream), don’t feel bad. Just prop your feet up on that pile of clean laundry you haven’t folded yet & relax. This feeling isn’t permanent. That other girl- the one you were last week- she’ll save the day and do all the things you don’t feel like doing right now, don’t worry. Most of all, don’t beat yourself up. Slow down and be who you are today. Errand Queen doesn't scarf chocolate and channel surf, does she? Right. So, why are you beating yourself up for not doing what she does?

By the way, part of taking care of yourself means to treat yourself during the time you know will be the hardest for you. A great way to do that is to let Aunt Ruby send you the feminine protection you need, along with tons of great gifts from other entrepreneurs & women centered/owned businesses. 'Like' us on Facebook & Follow us on Twitter for your chance to win a free year of service! More details to come...

Message in a...Pad?

Recently, a friend of mine sent me an hysterical email talking about messages printed on Kotex pantiliners. I checked each box I have in stock and didn't see any messages, so I'm guessing this came from a long time ago. Apparently, Kotex got the message & stopped printing them. I was unable to identify the original author. Whoever she is, she's responsible for many a knowing belly-laugh in the female community, for sure! Her letter is also the perfect introduction to some very exciting changes here at Aunt Ruby! That's right. Now, when you sign up for service with Aunt Ruby, you won't just get your own personalized multi-pack of feminine products & Never Run Out Period TM, you'll also get FREE GIFTS from other woman-centered & woman-owned businesses! I'll still give you tons of info on how to naturally make your period easier on you, but I'll put that somewhere you can access it when YOU want to (like this blog). I know your Aunt Ruby box often arrives at your door on a day that's really hard for you. From now on I promise to include in your delivery a few things that just might make your day easier. Be on the lookout for an upcoming blog post that will reveal the first months' free gifts!

And now, let the laughter begin...

Dear Kotex:

I recently noticed that the peel-off strip of my pantiliner had a bunch
of "Kotex Tips for Life" on it.
Annoying advice such as:

Staying active during your period can relieve cramps.
Avoiding caffeine may help reduce cramps and headaches.
Drink 6-8 glasses of water a day to keep you hydrated and feeling fresh.
Try Kotex blah blah blah other products...

Obviously the individual behind this was someone who has never possessed
a functioning set of ovaries. Go ahead and tell a menstruating woman
that drinking 6-8 glasses of water will help keep her feeling fresh.
Like we need more fluid inside our bloated bodies from hell...but go
ahead...I triple-dog-friggen-dare-ya...See what happens and report
back. I'll wait.

While you're at it, dump out the coffee at work and remove the chocolate
from the vending machin e. I garan-friggen-tee that the first responders
will be females who just ovulated.

Staying active will relieve headaches & cramps...well guess what, the
only activities that interests me is eating..sleeping..bitching or
crying for no apparent reason.. .and oh...does ripping someone's head
off count as a friggen' activity?????

Look, females don't need or want tips for living on their feminine
hygiene products. Younger girls are already hearing "helpful" crap like
that from elderly relatives. Veteran females have already concocted
their own recipes for survival, many containing alcohol & barbituates.

Printing out crap advice while sneaking in ads for the brand that was
already purchased is just plain annoying, not to mention rude, and is
enough to send a girl running to the Always brand.

It's not a fun time, but DO NOT try to cheer us up by adding smiley
faces or bunnies or flowery cutesy crap to your products or the
packaging. Put the crap in a plain brown wrapper so we can throw it in
our carts discreetly and have it blend in among the wine and beer.

There is nothing more annoying than having a blinding pink package
announcing your uterine state to everyone in the store. Why don't ya
just add an in-store microphone to the damn package & announce
that...helloooo, another female in the store is on the rag!!!!!

So take your tips for living and your cute bunnies & the smiley faces
and shove them right up your ass.

PS How about adding a free sample of Pamprin & maybe a shot of Bourbon
to your packages instead !!!

How to have a nice, good cry!

I find that a few days before my period, there is always that day that I can barely move. I'm just SO tired! I almost always wind up watching a movie I've loved for years. My couch co-pilot, who happens to be male, asked me "Why on earth do women watch movies just to cry?" I thought that was a funny way to see us. I explained, "We don't watch certain movies because we want to cry...we watch them because we love them. It just so happens that most movies a girl loves probably made her cry." Hmmmmm.

Anyway, I thought it would be fun to actually figure out my top ten list & really fun to know yours. So, once you're done reading, please tell me what I'm missing!

The Color Purple- A friend once told me that for well over the first hour of this movie, he wondered if I had a problem. He couldn't believe I chose such a depressing movie as my favorite. Then, he said, he got it. Even if the story weren't amazing, the cinematography has the power to make you smell the air. I think I've seen it 20 times. Writing about it makes me want to watch it again.

Brigadoon- The most romantic premise of a movie. Ever. It's a way back oldie, but the theme transcends time.

Love Actually- Talk about feel good! This is the happiest holiday movie. I just love it.

Pride & Prejudice- My best friend hates Keira Knightly's mouth. I think she's so pretty! No matter what you think of looks, it's such a great love story. You just can't beat Jane Austin for an intelligent heart string puller.

The Notebook- I think what I like best about this movie is that my husband really enjoyed watching it, too. He'll never watch it again, though. I say skip the ending.

Fried Green Tomatoes- I think I've seen this movie 3 times and loved it every time. For some reason, I never really remember the story once years have passed. Time to watch it again! 

Flashdance- I still think that someday I'll live in a cool warehouse space, ride my bike to my seedy job so I can make it as a Prima Ballerina. Yep. Next year, for sure.

Mystic Pizza- All I have to say is don't dump a truck full of fish on your boyfriend's car until you know that girl is not his sister:)









Beaches- Bette is amazing. No way to get through this one without tears, so get rid of that mascara before pressing play!

Dirty Dancing- OK, I admit it. I still have to watch this when I run across it on tv!

Going the Distance- I'm a sucker for people that face challenges & still keep their love alive. Plus-who doesn't love Drew?


I realized  two things while coming up with this list. It's been a while since I saw a movie and I haven't seen a whole lot of movies from before I was born. So, honorable mention to:

50 Shades of Grey- OK, everyone I know is obsessed with reading this book. I had thought I could just see the movie when it came out, but from what I hear, it would never pass ratings!

The Women- This came out a long, long time ago. I'm watching it the next time I get 2 hours.

So, what am I missing? What are some of your favorite movies of all time?